Standing in my underwear and a t-shirt in front of a full length mirror in our closet.
A pile of crumpled up pants on the ground next to me.
My eyes starting to well up with tears.
I can barely stand to look at my reflection.
This doesn’t even look like my body.
I pull out another pair of pants to try on. Praying these ones fit.
They just have to, I mean, they are my “fat pants”.
Holy crap... just barely. I start pulling on the waistband to try and stretch them out as much as I can.
I put on a baggy top so that hopefully no one will notice my waistband digging into my midsection.
I seriously wish I didn’t have to leave the house today....
Hold on, let me back this story up a bit.
I spent most of my twenties bouncing between being a chubby girl and a skinny girl.
I tried every diet, every gimmick, every bullshit fad. I felt deprived, frustrated and not good enough.
I put so many things on hold until I got in “perfect” shape. Of course that never came.
It’s all I thought about. I was literally obsessed with the shape of my body.
In my thirties I dove into the science of nutrition, fitness and physiology.
I learned that the things I had believed and followed just a decade before were a load of hogwash (thank you mass media and “certified-in-a-weekend” trainers).
I finally got in shape in a way that was healthy and sustainable, or so I thought.
Now in my forties I am re-learning how to be fit and healthy without unleashing that crazy, obsessive twenty year old who still lives inside me.
All the damage I did to my metabolism in my younger years. All the stress I let consume me and destroy my health. All the intense exercise I did day after day after day.
What I’ve come to realize is that what used to work for me when I was younger... just doesn’t cut it anymore.
Because here’s the truth, once you get to be around forty (especially if you’re a woman, but this applies to men as well), all the dieting from your past, all the unchecked stress, all the pummeling to your body in the form of intense exercise... this has all now left you with unbalanced hormones and a damaged metabolism.
Now you know why I named my company Stress Monkee.
This has brought me to where I am now.
Looking at my body in a mirror, crying.
A Series of Unfortunate Events:
Over the last few years I have been hit with one health issue after another...
Type 1 Diabetes. Precancerous cells in my uterus. Told having a second baby was too risky. A knee injury that kept me from exercise for months. Found out I have no cartilage left in my knees and will be needing knee replacements. A breast cancer scare. Severe hormonal imbalance. Uterine fibroids that made my life a nightmare and led to a partial hysterectomy.
Basically the shit hitting the fan.
Please don’t take this as me having a pity party.
I’m sharing this with you so that when I say “health issues” you know exactly what I’m talking about.
A lot of people say to me, “How is this possible? You’re so healthy.”
Ah, but I know the truth. Yes, I am healthy now, but I am experiencing a backlash from all the things I did to my body in the past.
I basically punished my body to get it to look the way I wanted it to look.
The health issues I have had over the last few years (since turning 40) have left me with whacky hormones, a messed up metabolism, major loss of muscle mass and most recently, weight gain.
I am now recovering from major surgery that I had almost 3 weeks ago. I’m sore, tired and my belly is swollen. I have moments where I’ll just start sobbing (once again, thanks hormones. You’re a real peach).
I KNOW what to do to get back in the shape I want to be in. I could sit down and write myself a killer program to get lean, strong and healthy.
But let’s not kid ourselves. Most everyone knows basically what they should be doing to get in better shape.
“If information were the answer, then we’d all be billionaires with perfect abs.” -Derek Sivers
Ain’t that the truth.
The BIGGEST truth I know from all of my years in the health and fitness industry: Most people fail because they try to change too much too soon.
So, I will be taking baby steps. Focusing on One thing at a time. The smallest thing I can do that will get me the biggest results.
All of this to tell you:
I will be documenting my journey and sharing it openly. Hits and misses. Wins and loses. Triumphs and failures.
I will be testing theories and using myself as a guinea pig so that I can help other women over 40 take their life back and feel incredible in their own skin.
Over the next few weeks I will be walking on the beach with my dog a lot and getting 7-8 hours of sleep per night. I’m just focusing on letting my body heal from surgery and enjoying this very magical time of year with my husband Joe and our sweet son Rocco.
After Christmas (possibly after New Year’s) I will start sharing everything I’m doing with you. Workouts... Food... Stress Hacks... Mindset Tips... Meditations... What's working + What's not
I hope you’ll take this journey with me. Support and accountability are a good thing to have on your side. And I could use all the good juju I can get ♥️
I’ll end this here, but before I go, I have something for you.
It’s a tool I’ll be using throughout the month of December just to give myself whispers of reminders to keep my health a top priority.
It’s the Stress Monkee Calendar for December.
Mini workouts. Easy recipes. Mindset tips.
I know it might seem so simple, but if you haven’t ever tried it, you should give it a shot.
Just print it out and put it somewhere that you can see it daily. Grab your copy HERE
If you want to save on ink, click HERE for a version with no background.
If my story struck a cord with you, then be sure and check back at the end of the year.
Join me on my journey to reset my metabolism, rebalance my hormones and transform my body.
The good news...it is possible, even over 40.
I hope you have a wonderful holiday season. You deserve it.